Hula Hoop Theory
Updated: Jun 22
At one time, the Hula Hoop was a popular toy. Nowadays the Hula Hoop is still useful in a therapeutic setting. As in, what is it that YOU can control? The answer? Picture yourself standing inside a Hula Hoop. Anything INSIDE that Hula Hoop is under your control. Anything outside of it is OUTSIDE YOUR CONTROL.
Most of the world is very much outside our control. Especially the people in it. Perhaps you feel constant frustration with those around you for disturbing the order in your world. Maybe it would help if you pictured yourself standing inside that Hula Hoop. It isn't a lot of space, but it's yours. Ever feel like those around you are trying to shove their stuff into your Hula Hoop? Don't let them!
We have a choice about what tasks and responsibilities we take on. Are you allowing other people to push their Hula Hoops into your space? Are they playing bumper cars with the Hula Hoops? Or are the problems you tackle everyday honestly yours? Let's say you see someone else, in their Hula Hoop, making a choice you disapprove of. Is this your problem? You can feel however you want about their decision. Your feelings are inside your Hula Hoop and very much under your control. Once you've identified your opinion on the topic, that's it! The consequences of their decision are all theirs. Not your circus. Not your monkeys.
But this is my child, partner, sibling, parent, etc.
A close association certainly muddies the water. However, each of us must experience the natural consequences of our own decisions in order to learn the lesson. If you take it upon yourself to micromanage everyone else by reaching into their Hula Hoop and tweaking things, you run the risk of denying them that important lesson.
Furthermore, you can't prevent all mistakes forever. Chances are, if you allow natural
consequences to run their course the first time, it will eliminate more complicated or catastrophic situations down the road. This is literally one of the most effective parenting models out there. Natural consequences of your kid's actions are going to teach them far more than your interference. Kids are experts at letting you take the blame for things. If mom or dad hadn't intervened, it would've worked out fine! Therefore, it's the parent's fault, not theirs.
Sure. You will have to make decisions on a constant basis of when, how, and why you choose to allow your Hula Hoop to bump into someone else's. Picturing yourself and your Hula Hoop is the first important step in establishing healthy boundaries with those around you. Practice makes perfect. So get yourself a Hula Hoop and start paying attention to how many times you feel those around you pushing into your Hoop. Or perhaps you're pushing your Hula Hoop into those around you. And if you need help establishing how to work within your Hula Hoop, contact us here at Los Alamos Family Council. We'd love to help you establish your boundaries and live a healthier life.